OpenForum has a list of seven tips for handling embarrassing rejections:
- Appreciate the defining moment.
- Remind yourself of the “spotlight effect”.
- Argue with self-criticism
- Drop the defensiveness.
- Ask for feedback.
- Desensitize yourself to the word, “no”.
- Keep your chin-up.
Good suggestions all. I wanted to concentrate on #2 – Remind yourself of the “spotlight effect”.
The “spotlight effect,” discovered in research at Cornell University, refers to the fact that people considerably overestimate how much attention other people are paying to them, whether it’s their embarrassing moments, their behavior or their appearance. So, for example, when we feel that our presentation wasn’t well received, we’re likely exaggerating the extent to which others noticed every possible flaw that we believe existed. It’s helpful to remind yourself once in a while that the social spotlight doesn’t shine as brightly on us as we believe.
But let’s turn it around. When dealing with your team members or people that report to you on a project, don’t forget the spotlight effect. If one of your coworkers experiences an embarrassing rejection or just an embarrassing situation, he or she will likely be subject to the spotlight effect. They will overestimate the effect and attention they received during or as a result of this situation.
As a PM, it’s your responsibility to help that person move past it and understand that the embarrassing situation probably wasn’t as a bad as he/she thought. It will help the teammate to move on from the rejection more quickly and not let them get bogged down in self-pity or self-doubt. The sooner they move on, the greater their contributions will be to the project. And certainly, this will benefit all team members not to mention the overall health of your project.
Use some of the other six steps listed above to help your colleague.
#1. Appreciate the defining moment.
We’ve all been through rejections. Share a story with your colleague about an embarrassing rejection of your own or some type of setback and how you moved past it and contributed to a successful past project.
#4 Feedback.
It’s a tricky situation but if you can offer constructive criticism to your colleague, you will help that person move on more quickly and with greater confidence.
#7. Keep your chin up.
In concert with the other suggestions on this list, buck up your team member. Don’t force them to get over the rejection before they’re ready but be there to gently encourage them to keep plugging away, to keep working hard and contributing. Show that you still value that person’s contributions and that this rejection or situation is only a small bump in the road.